Columbus? Eurotrash

I'm still not all that sure why we celebrate Columbus Day anymore. I mean, yes I know in theory why we celebrate, the over-credited historical claim behind it,  because he "discovered" the new world, but the dude was for the most part a cruel, murderous asshole whose only real desire was for gold, fame, and glory and who in his descriptions of the natives spoke of them as literal sub-human creatures in need of Christ, a person for whom rape and genocide were but a trifle. Columbus' vanity was large enough for him to even fondly consider his name, Christopher, a divine sign, the bearer of Christ. 

Not to mention Columbus Day is somewhat of a joke of a holiday anyway. Basically what it amounts to is another day off for government employees (last time I checked they have quite the pile of work they need to be taking care of, not taking useless holidays) and allowing elementary schoolers to dress up in colonial costumes for Historical Revisionism trials in which Columbus is being charged with numerous crimes, murder and genocide among them. I wish I made that up. That's something my mother's fifth grade class actually took part it. So who's celebrating this holiday? Are we that obstinate in holding on to antiquity and tradition? And if we desperately need a holiday to fill Columbus' void, microscopic as it is, aren't there myriad other noteworthy people who've had resounding effects on early America and the American way of life that might be better suited for the role? Give Einstein a holiday. Or Charles Van Depoele. Paul Revere. Or Booker T Washington. Or Jean Baptiste Pointe du Sable. Phillis Wheatley. Anyone.

And, of course, you can argue that if we do that we might as well get rid of all the other holidays celebrating those old white men, many of whom were slave owners, misogynists, adulterists, and all the other fun stuff crotchety old white men got away with in those days because nobody knew (or wanted to know) any better and those that did hardly spoke a word about it. The difference is that Columbus had no redeeming qualities. The actual discovery he's famous for shouldn't even be considered a discovery, one because it was already here, inhabited, and doing just fine, and two because someone else would have come along and found it had he not. 

The diaries of Christopher Columbus are all one needs in order to figure the guy out. He was as one-dimensional as they come. Columbus was a monster. You can't discover something that was already inhabited. You can destroy what's there, the culture, the history, the life, but that's not the same thing as discovering. At least it shouldn't be.