If Being American Were a Test, I'd Likely Fail

In many respects I'm probably a pisspoor American, at least insofar as how Americanism tends to be culturally measured by the majority of Americans, which doesn't bother me. I've come to terms with that and in most cases prefer it. But if there's any particular time of the year when I'm reminded most of my failure to score big on the American Barometric Scale it's right around now, when baseball season hits high gear and enters the playoffs and the American Football season is writhing from its hysterical inception throes, leaving everybody practically salivating in front of the screen and exalting about how great a time of year this is, while I reluctantly respond: perdón? 

Because baseball and football are not just boring for me, they're painfully exhausting. Watching either or both is a laborious chore. Even hearing about them is torturous. One can then imagine how difficult this makes things. Basketball, hockey, and whatever other sports Americans occupy themselves with don't matter so much because they don't consume the entire collective consciousness of the country at large the way these other narcotic-like games do. And that's basically what they're tantamount to, narcotics, amphetamines, a high that lasts just long enough to get people through the work week until the next game, at which point they'll get their fix one more time, juiced and ready to go off spandex, sweat, primal grunts, masochistic violence, rotgut beer, and repugnant food. 

In truth, that's all good and well. To each their own. I'm not going to disparage them (too much) for this proclivity of theirs. My main principle is to keep these two worlds, mine and theirs, from colliding. Football fans on Sundays or Mondays or, as the season progresses - I'm aware that the NFL network tries to start pumping out as many televised games as possible - even on Thursdays and perhaps even some-odd Tuesdays are not a joy to be around. So when I have  my Saturday or Sunday morning breakfast in one of the few local football (see Soccer) pubs disturbed by testosterone-addled wildebeests demanding that the station be switched to a real football station to watch the three hour pre-game buildup to the game, you can see where I might be irked. Worlds have collided. Just finding a pub or tavern nearby to watch live European soccer matches is difficult enough, not to mention the time zone differences resulting in my having to rise at around seven in the morning on a weekend, which isn't necessarily the most preferable way to spend my days off.  

There are times when I think American football is one of the bellwethers for the end of Western Civilization as we know it. Hyperbole? Sure. But maybe only a little.